Thursday, April 12, 2007

As If I Needed Yet Another Reason to Hate This Man

Being that tomorrow is Friday the 13th, Jason movies are already starting to go out here at the video store. Now, although I am proud to say I have yet to see a Friday the 13th film, I did manage to catch a few scenes from the original on AMC a couple years back and my God, it was awful. Not only hands down the worst acting I have ever seen in a film (and Kevin Bacon was in it too; poor guy) but during the 10-12 minutes that I saw, I found myself saying: "If I hear that annoying music ONE MORE TIME, I'm going on my own rampage." Fortunately, I turned it off before that happened.

Aanyway, after the lousy box office performance of Jason X, I thought we would all be spared any more exploits of the machete-wielding, hockey mask-wearing killer. No such luck. As I just found out today from a friend, another Friday the 13th film is currently in production. It's directed by Jonathan Liebseman, the talent behind such fine fare as Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (which, mercifully, I haven't seen) and Darkness Falls (which, unfortunately, I have).

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that I think the Friday the 13th series is probably the worst franchize in the history of movies, with its closest competitor being the Police Academy series... which, incidentally, they are also making another one of (*sigh*). Perhaps then it is entirely appropriate that the worst director still making movies (or maybe I should say, still being allowed to make movies) is now involved in "resurrecting" the series. That's right! The anti-Christ himself, MICHAEL BAY, is producing the latest Jason movie. All I can say is: I am not the least bit surprised. The master of crap (whom his father the devil, a.k.a. Jerry Bruckheimer, has actually had the audacity to compare to David Lean) is attaching himself to more crap. Astonishing.

The only thing that could possibly tempt me to view this film is if Bay makes a cameo appearance as one of Jason's victims.

7 comments:

Adam said...

Damian, been checking out your site after stumbling across it a few weeks ago and have enjoyed it.

But I have to disagree with you on this one. Don't get me wrong. Nothing in Bay's cannon deserves, or stirs, much thought. But he's certainly not the worst filmmaker out there. To be sure, his films are, at best, the McDonalds of the film industry. But every now and then, even a happy meal can hit the spot.

Adam said...

By the way, or in addition, I'm mainly thinking of Bad Boys and The Rock. However ephemeral and inconceivable these films are, they were, at the time I saw them as an impressionable teenager, great fun. Having seen neither in recent years, it is possible that my opinion may have changed.

I do agree on the whole Friday the 13th series. The little bits I have seen here and there have been almost unwatchable. However, since I am a fan of almost nothing that would qualify as modern horror, I am probably not the best judge...

Damian said...

That's fair enough, Adam. I admit that my disdain for Bay is highly personal. I may not think he's that talented, I may think he's a bona fide hack, but I can admit that there are probably worse directors working out there today (such as John Waters perhaps). It's just that these other directors haven't achieved the level of "success" that Bay has, nor have their films raked in the obscene amounts of money that his do. That just seems incredibly un-equitable to me. In my mind, Bay (and his partner-in-crime Jerry Bruckheimer) represent everything that is wrong with Hollywood filmmaking today. Armageddon is always the first title to pop into my head whenever someone asks me what the worst film I've ever seen is.

I like your McDonald's analogy (I have long equated movies-and all art forms really-with food) but I think you're being somewhat kind to his product. I find that there is a certain degree of pretentiousness in Bay's work (especially in Armageddon and Pearl Harbor) that leads me to believe that he thinks he's making "important" movies. I mentioned that Bruckheimer has compared him to David Lean; it wouldn't surprise me to learn that Bay looks at himself the same way. If I felt that, like The Mummy director Stephen Sommers, Bay didn't take himself seriously, then perhaps I wouldn't be as bothered by his "entertaining" movies. I mean, I actually enjoyed The Rock the first time I saw it, but I made the mistake of watching it a second time and realized how truly awful that movie was, which I soon realized about all subsequent Bay movies I viewed (I have not seen, nor ever plan to see either Bad Boys flicks). Bay may make bad movies but the real tragedy is that he thinks he's making good, perhaps even "great" movies, and in my mind there's nothing worse than a fast-food cook who thinks he's a gourmet chef.

Piper said...

Thank you Damian,

I may have found someone that hates Bay more than me.

And sure John Waters makes awful films, but at least they're his movies. Every Bay movie is a product of Jerry Bruckheimer.

You are correct. Those two are the worst thing to happen to Hollywood.

Damian said...

Thanks, Piper. It's nice to find a kindred spirit, although I think that Alan over at Burbanked may dislike Michael Bay more than either of us.

Squish said...

Wow harsh :D

Trashy 80s Horror franchises behing what they are I'd hazzard that the Chucky zone is worse. I did a whole marathon of Jason and came to the conclusion that it was bad, howver all the films were intended to be far more gory than they were, as censors hacked the bloody bits up so much all the films suffered. Either way... Trashy horror classics are indeed a double edged blade.

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